The Moment I Aligned with My Spirit Baby and Everything Changed

I was lying on the exam table at my fertility clinic, anxiously waiting to learn how many follicles had matured for my first IVF cycle. It was finally here—after over two years of trying. I knew IVF wasn’t a cure, but I wasn’t prepared for what came next.

My doctor looked at me and said,

“I’m sorry, Alexis. Your follicles are a third of the size they need to be.”

My heart stopped. Knowing I only had a few, I smiled politely as she continued,

“Meet me across the hall when you’re dressed, and we’ll discuss your options.”

Looking back, I remember getting dressed, feeling like I was in one of those war movies where a bomb goes off. There’s no sound, and all you can do is try to get your bearings. I was in shock. I remember thinking,

“Is this actually happening??”

The possibility of never becoming a mother hit me so hard I can’t even describe it. I felt like I had stopped breathing. I was devastated. I had taken my fertility for granted—again. I never considered the possibility that I wouldn’t even make it through a full IVF cycle.

As I held back tears, the doctor laid out my options:

“Three more days of Gonal-F. If that doesn’t work, we can try a low-stimulation approach in the new year. Beyond that, you’d be looking at adoption or donor egg.”

For those three days, I cried. I raged. I meditated. I sat with my fertility drugs on my lap and prayed to the universe, begging for this to work.

During this time, I realized just how lost I had become over the past two years. My entire life was consumed by my fertility journey. I had become a shell of the woman I used to be—anxiously chasing anything that promised a better chance at pregnancy, without stopping to ask if it was even right for me.

Here I was, unsure if I would ever become a mother. And even if I did... what would be left of me by then?

Tears streamed down my face as I pedalled on the exercise bike at the gym. In my mind, I pleaded with the universe:

“What do I need to do to get pregnant?”

And then I heard back clearly in my mind’s ear:

Be a mother now.

A strong knowing washed over me. I was being called to embody the essence of the mother I aspired to be. No more waiting for a baby to live my life or feel the way I wanted to. I didn’t have to lose myself in this process.

And the best part? I knew—without a doubt—that bringing that version of myself to life right now was the key to aligning with the frequency and timeline where the family I dreamed of existed.

I wanted to be a kind, caring, understanding, and compassionate mother—with peace and joy in my heart. And I knew:

It was clear that I wasn’t meant to find a child to parent—I was meant to express that mothering energy toward myself and in my life as I moved through it.

This wasn’t about forced positivity or bypassing pain. It was deep, healing validation. It was permission to stop trying so hard. To stop pushing myself to exhaustion.

What I had been doing… wasn’t working.

Even though I was doing all the “right” things, they were draining me. I had been looking outward for answers and had completely lost touch with myself—my body, my intuition, and my needs.

It was time to shift.

To focus on my well-being.

To operate from a place of wholeness.

From there, I could choose the right support, with clarity, and show up as the woman ready to receive.

Three days later, I returned to my doctor. As I lay on the exam table, I whispered to myself: I surrender. Whatever happens, I trust I will be a mom.

Moments later, she said,

“I’m sorry, Alexis. It’s looking pretty dark in there.”

Just like that, my IVF cycle was cancelled.

And yet, through the sadness… I felt peace.

I knew this moment—this surrender—wasn’t the end. It was the beginning.

I had found my way back to myself. I was free. I was in control again—not of the outcomes, but of my own energy. Uncertainty no longer tormented me, because I finally knew:

I had what it takes to move through this, no matter what.

I wasn’t waiting anymore.

My life wasn’t on hold.

I wasn’t being left behind.

I grieved when I needed to. I learned from every emotion. The challenges became teachers.

I gave myself grace when clarity wasn’t available.

I wasn’t consumed by the journey anymore—I was holding it.

I had space.

I could breathe.

I could live.

Joy returned, slowly but surely.

I had learned to live in the waiting.

Not long after, I started creating content and decided to take a photo of a negative pregnancy test. I took the test and set it aside. But then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a dark line show up—on the wrong side.

I dismissed it immediately. My heart whispered,

“Don’t even go there… don’t get your hopes up.”

But I picked up the test again a few minutes later. Another line appeared.

Two lines.

I had never seen that before.

Disbelief set in. I searched Google frantically for explanations: false positives, evaporation lines…

Eventually, I pulled myself out of the rabbit hole and called my fertility clinic. I left a message.

Then… I waited.

I stayed grounded in the new energy I had cultivated. The calm. The trust. The knowing that I would be okay, no matter what.

Two hours later, the nurse confirmed it:

I was likely pregnant.

My next IVF cycle was cancelled.

Shock flooded my system again—this time for a beautiful reason.

The math made it clear:

We had conceived within a week of my cancelled IVF cycle.

The universe had delivered my dream in the most unexpected, sacred way.

In the seven weeks that followed my cancellation, I had reconnected to myself.

I had walked forward with clarity, presence, and joy.

I had embodied the mother I longed to be.

And now… I was pregnant.

Four years later, I still know with absolute certainty:

Letting go of the exhausting, forceful trying—and aligning with an energy of peace and trust in my true essence—was the missing key.

Today, as I write this, I’m 21 weeks pregnant with my second child—conceived through donor egg, after two more years of navigating highs, lows, and the unknown.

And once again, it was this same energy that brought my spirit baby into form.

I continued to hold space for my emotions.

I kept my body and mind connected.

I honoured my inner wisdom.

I used energy healing to clear and align.

I trusted the timeline.

I lived my life—fully.

And in doing so, I attuned with the frequency and ultimately the family my soul knew was always meant to be mine.

Let this be your reminder:

You are not behind.

You are not broken.

You are becoming.

You are aligning.

And your spirit baby feels you.

If this story speaks to your heart, I invite you to explore how Essence Fertility can support you in finding your own path back to alignment.

To help you on your way, here is a free guide and meditation to help you find your essence and unique answers for your right way forward.

You are not alone. Your baby is closer than you think.